All right, children. It’s that time again. The sun is nowhere to be seen. In the shadow of his hairy sack, we toil in darkness. THE SHORTS OF CROM ARE UPON US.
BARNDOOM MED SNÖMANNEN & HANS VÄNNER – Kråksång & rävspel
LP, 2017, BMR Music
https://www.facebook.com/BarndoomMedSnomannen/
How cute. Children’s songs turned into some kind of weird doom/industrial/groove metal. Snowy Shaw is a pretty weird man. More a novelty act than anything else, I can’t see this holding for repeated listens.
URIAH HEEP – Demons & Wizards
LP, 1972, Bronze
http://www.uriah-heep.com/
Forever in the shadow of “Sweet Freedom”, URIAH HEEP’s epic masterpiece. Funky and groovy progressive heavy metal from the early 70’s, the highlight being one of their immortal classics, “Easy Livin'”.
IN SLUMBER – Stillborn Rebirth
LP, 2003, CCP Records
https://www.youtube.com/user/inslumberofficial
A pleasant surprise: a melodic death metal album from this millennium, that doesn’t emo or core or embarrass itself in some other stupid way. The bread and butter of “Stillborn Rebirth” is Meloswedeath (think 90’s IN FLAMES and DARK TRANQUILLITY), but the acoustic bits bring great variation, as do the blasting and blackish moments.
THE GENTLE STORM – The Diary
2LP, 2015, InsideOut Music
https://www.facebook.com/TheGentleStorm
Arjen Lucassen decided to hire the one and only Anneke van Giersbergen and make sweet l…music with her. This album consists of a “Gentle” CD and a “Storm” CD, which sport the same eleven songs. The “Storm” versions are folky prog metal, and pretty fucking great. The “Gentle” versions are a mishmash of folk, pop, jazz, acoustic ballads and the like, and it’s extremely obvious that these songs were made to be metal songs in the first place. The musicianship is passable at best, and the arranging skills are severely lacking. It sounds exactly like what it is: a metal musician converting his metal songs into something else, and failing. Anneke’s vocals are golden on both versions, and that’s the only saving grace of the first CD. Had they put the metal one first, I could’ve bought into the concept of including an acoustic bonus CD, but since the “band” isn’t named THE STORM GENTLE I guess they had no choice. Oh, wait, they fucking did – don’t record that shit version! ‘Cause the Storm version is enjoyable.
DRÅP – Roten till allt ont
LP, 2017, Xtreem Music
https://drapofficial.bandcamp.com
When you feel like fucking the world over and kicking its teeth to pieces, put on this record. A fantastic crust/grind/death onslaught that leaves no muscle unclenched, including your sphincter.
CITIES OF MARS – Temporal Rifts
LP, 2017, Argonauta Records
http://www.citiesofmars.se
Even though doom metal is centered around riffs, all of the greats (BLACK SABBATH, CANDLEMASS, REVEREND BIZARRE) have great melodies as well. Monotonous hollering just doesn’t cut it for me. But the riffs are pretty fucking groovy!
BLOOD FEAST – The Future State of Wicked
LP, 2017, Hells Headbangers Records
http://www.drinktheblood.com
These guys must love SLAYER more than their own moms. Even the guitar solos are pure Hanneman ripoffs. It’s a good thing I love SLAYER too, and this is miles better than anything Tom & Kerry (haha) have done in decades. Raw, brutal thrash metal with gusto and balls. Mosh!
BONEHUNTER – Sexual Panic Human Machine
LP, 2017, Hells Headbangers Records
http://bonehuntermetal.bandcamp.com
For some reason I thought this was Brazilian, or possibly Colombian. Turns out to be Finnish. Whaaaaaat. Energetic and filthy thrash punk of the death/black variety (think 80’s Brazilian bands). Not bad. Not great.
COLDSPELL – A New World Arise
LP, 2017, Escape Music
http://www.coldspell.se
Kiruna’s finest hit us with a well-played, well-sung, well-produced album that is a bit too long, and doesn’t quite grip mah balls like it should. Interesting choice to include a country rock/pop song in the middle. Why the fuck not.
CADAVER INC – Discipline
LP, 2001, Earache Records
https://cadaverinc.bandcamp.com/album/discipline
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! The relentless blasting, the VON-primitive riffs, the progressive arrangements, the FUCK YOU I WILL KILL YOU-attitude…I’m in love! I’m a CADAVAH lovah! The nihilistic production just adds to the ferociousness. Balls are deep.
CALIGULA’S HORSE – In Contact
LP, 2017, InsideOut Music
http://caligulashorse.com
Why do most prog vocalists lack snarl and grit in their voice? Too fucking clean and plain. The rest of the music is pretty cool, despite some djenty garbage. The lead guitarist is a fucking beast!
CODE RED – Incendiary
LP, 2017, AOR Heaven
https://www.facebook.com/CodeRedSweden/
Professional AOR songwriter writes AOR songs for himself instead of for other AOR artists. Sounds like an AOR songwriting assignment, and not like something passionate. Too much Eurovision Song Contest for me to care to come back to this.
Oh no, what is this?! The rays of the sun filtered through pubes…the almighty ballsack is subsiding… Until next time, infidels!
Gospel of Crom 